Smooth Sailing

I have not posted anything new for a while, because we were off on a wonderful cruise along the Rhine River, from Amsterdam to Basle, Switzerland. When I returned, I got hit hard by a cold/sinus infection combo that had me on my back for several days and sleeping 15 to 20 hours a day. It took me a week to get up and going again. This trip was my much-belated “graduation” present from Kathleen. While planning my retirement, she said that I could choose a trip anywhere I wanted to go. I chose this cruise, planning on a sun-kissed trip during the summer months. Since we first booked the trip, though, we bought a house, moved to Wisconsin, and Ben said that he and Amber would like to join us. The chance at a week’s worth of adult conversation with the two doctors without the kids was too tempting to pass up, so we delayed again until a time when they could join us. Thus, we sailed in mid-December, rather than July. As Robert Burns said, “The best laid schemes o’ mice an’ men often go awry.”

We arrived in Amsterdam at dawn—which was later than you might think. For the entire trip, the sun rose at about 8:45 am and set about 4:25. With temperatures in the 30s or low 40s for most of the trip, and skies overcast with intermittent drizzling rain, the weather was . . . just fine. At least it was better than the single digits and foot of snow we left behind us. We dressed appropriately for each excursion, and no complaints were heard from any of the hearty Wisconsinites.

During the week we toured quaint windmills in Holland, astounding cathedrals in Germany and France, castles with spectacular views from their mountaintop perches, medieval sections of cities that are still functional 500 years after their inception, and charming Christmas markets everywhere we went. Most of the cruising was done at night so that we could spend the days in various cities. The one exception to this pattern was the day we cruised through the “Middle Rhine” which is dotted by 600-year-old castles, charming little villages, and orderly vineyards built on steep hillsides. On that day, as if planned ahead of time by the Viking Company, the temperatures rose into the 50s and the sun shone brightly all day. I won’t bore you with a minute-by-minute travelogue, instead opting for a few random observations.

Viking Cruise Lines—A lot of different companies operate along the Rhine River. In recent years, Viking has been the most visible in the US, primarily because of their sponsorship of sophisticated PBS shows such as Downton Abbey. It is not a cheap option, but we have decided that it was well-worth the expense. First, the rates they negotiate with the airlines are far better than we could find by ourselves. When we first explored flights to Europe, the cheapest rates we could find were anywhere from $1100 to $1500 per person. By going through Viking, we paid about $500 each. We flew United going east, and Lufthansa (much better) on our return. Also, the services on the boat were first-rate from top-to-bottom. There were 50 crew members for the 186 passengers—a ratio of about 3-1—so you never had to look hard to find assistance. It was an international crew, primarily from Central and Eastern Europe, but they all spoke English and went out of their way to learn our names and be helpful. In particular, our cruise director, a huge Dutch man named Rene, had a quick wit and clever sense of humor. He was 6’6” and 280 pounds, with most of his weight in the upper body. With his wedge-shaped appearance and the scarf he sometimes wore, he reminded us of a character named “Gru” from the Despicable Me cartoons. When I pointed out the resemblance, he deadpanned, “Ya. Some crew members showed me a picture of him. . . They no longer work for the company.” Another way we found the price to be reasonable was that Viking does not nickel-and-dime you at every turn. Ocean cruises constantly try to push you to purchase excursions, drinks, photos, and special meals that drive the original price much higher than anticipated. They did none of that. Unlimited wine or beer was provided with every meal, and there were several other occasions in which mimosas, Champaign, or Kir Royales were available for free. Also, at least one free excursion was included at each stop. Other excursions were available for an extra charge, but these were never pushed on us.

Beer—One of the cities we stopped at was Cologne, Germany. Many visitors/writers would focus on Cologne’s cathedral, the tallest in the world, and a magnificent edifice that was started in the 1200s, completed in the 1800s, and which survived the leveling of the rest of the city during WWII. Not me. I want to talk about beer. When traveling, Kathleen and I are not great shoppers, but we enjoy getting to know the local culture by stopping in at pubs and bars. Sometimes language differences and a lack of knowledge about local tipping practices can hinder those attempts. In this case, however, we did some research ahead of time and found that Cologne has a distinctive way of ordering beers. First, many think of Germany in terms of a Bavarian Oktoberfest, with buxom barmaids carrying fistfuls of massive beer mugs. Things are different in Cologne. They serve beer in small, 7-ounce glasses and little verbal communication is required. You say “bier,” and they bring you one of the small glasses. You don’t have to specify which beer, because the entire city serves only one, a light-tasting beer called Kolsch. You don’t have to re-order, either. When they see your glass getting low, they bring another, in a fresh glass, and pick up the empty. Every time they bring a new one, they put a little tally mark on your beer coaster. If you don’t want another, you indicate that you are finished by placing your coaster on top of your glass. At the end, they total up your little hash-marks and bill you for the amount. It’s kind of cool. Kathleen and I stopped in a brauhaus in the shadow of the cathedral. Kathleen was uncomfortable because they directed us to a tall table where we had to stand the entire time. I guess the tables were reserved for those who were ordering food. I planned on making my coaster look as if it had been overrun with ants, with lots of little black marks on it, but Kathleen did not want to stand and planned on just one beer. She placed her coaster on top of the glass as soon as it arrived, lest they swoop in on her unexpectedly and deliver another round. She then contorted her neck to sneak an occasional sip from under it in a manner that provided me great amusement. I had two quick brews—just to try out the system, mind you—before placing my coaster on the top. Each bier was €1.90, or about $2.10, so our bill was €5.70. No regular tipping is expected, but they appreciate it if you round up your bill, which I did. It was a brief but fascinating glimpse into German culture.

Relics—Another thing that makes the Cologne Cathedral famous is that has a golden reliquary that is traditionally believed to contain the bones of the Three Magi. That’s right, the three actual Wise Men who followed a star to Bethlehem bearing gifts for the newborn Jesus. Their bones are reputed to be in that glorious box, and people have been coming to Cologne to pray over them for centuries, despite the fact that several other places also claim to own those same bones. That brings up the subject of religious relics. On the trip, one of the books I read was Dan Jones’s new book, Crusaders, a history of the attempts by Christian Europe to reclaim the Holy Land from Muslim control. He talked a lot about relics. During the time of the Crusades, roughly 1100 to 1300, Europeans were obsessed with relics. Bones of saints, but also locks of hair from the Virgin Mary, pieces of the cross upon which Jesus was crucified, the crown of thorns that was placed on his head, even vials of the blood of Jesus were available to the highest bidder. Fortunes were made selling such items and wars were fought to obtain them from a rival. Reading about this stuff and looking at the golden shrine in Cologne, I couldn’t help but think that certain members of my family would have been extremely wealthy during such gullible times.

Half-timbered Houses—Most of the cities we visited had an old-town section that had been built in the late middle ages and that was dominated by half-timbered houses. Sometimes called Tudor Style, these homes show their wooden bones in diagonal patterns and were usually built close together by relatively wealthy craftsmen or merchants. I was fascinated by these homes. Many of them are over 500 years old, and yet they have been in continuous use since their first construction. This stands in stark contrast to the US where we tear everything down and start over every generation or so. Europeans maintain a strong bond to their past through these buildings that stretch back to the Middle Ages or even Roman times. You can’t throw a rock without hitting a building that’s 1000 years old. In the US, tour guides might proudly tell you that a particular building “Has stood in this same location since the 1930s!” Tourists gasp and exclaim, “My God! You can’t be serious. Nothing is that old!”

Languages—Another thing I like about Europe is the fact that almost everyone speaks multiple languages. This was especially evident in the city of Strasbourg, in the region of Alsace-Lorraine. That little wedge of land has been a political football over the centuries, being kicked back and forth between France and Germany and changing hands with every major war. As a result, most people who live there now speak both of those languages, along with an Alsatian dialect that combines elements of the two. Of course, most people also speak English. It is not at all unusual to find Europeans who can fake their way through half-a-dozen languages fairly easily. In the US, most Americans take a second language in high school, but never use it and promptly forget it. Kathleen and I both took Latin in HS, and can read some French. We always feel a bit embarrassed when we travel and feel as if we should have made a better effort to learn the local language when we travel. The other thing that left us somewhat embarrassed on this trip was a group of Ugly Americans. A group of people from Texas (where else) reinforced every negative stereotype Europeans have about wealthy Americans. They pushed to the front of each tour group just to ask where the “good” stores were. They would shop at the mom-and-pop stores and Christmas markets if they had to, but they preferred Louis Vuittan, Gucci, or Prada stores. On the bus returning to the boat, they would loudly talk about various ways they had learned to avoid paying customs duties on their expensive souvenirs. We also heard a story that one of the Texans was noisily inquiring about a 1200-Euro cuckoo clock in a store. Were they interested in the meticulous craftsmanship? Not really. The artistry, perhaps? Nah. All they really wanted was a clock big enough to adorn their 2,000 square-foot library at home without being dwarfed by their other lavish decorations.

Well, I’ve gone on for far too long. There were many other aspects of the trip, such as the Christmas Markets and the spiced Gluhwein (hot wine), that I’d like to talk about, but I want to wrap this up. All in all, it was a memorable trip and Ben and Amber were delightful travelling companions. I hope that you all had a great Christmas and will have an even better New Year.