Not-So-Innocents Abroad

In 1869, Mark Twain published a book called Innocents Abroad that is still regarded as one of the best travel accounts ever written. Two years earlier, he and a group of similarly adventure-minded people had taken a steamship across the ocean to the Mediterranean, explored that area, took a locomotive up to Paris and back down to Italy, before visiting the Holy Land and Black Sea area and returning home. The book remains an entertaining read today because of Twain’s clever wit, acerbic commentary, and keen eye for the colorful anecdote.

This month, Kathleen and I, along with children Ben and Kristin and Ben’s wife Amber, retraced some of Twain’s steps on a Viking ocean cruise that included several stops along the Western Mediterranean. Along the way, we spent time in Barcelona (with a side trip to Montserrat), Spain, Avignon, Monaco, Tuscany and Firenze (Florence), Italy, before flying home from Rome. After three Viking river cruises, this was our first cruise on one of their larger ocean-sailing ships. The service, quality, and attention to detail that marked the river cruises was also present on the big ship, and we decided there were plusses and minuses to each of the different ships. While the ocean ship was much larger than the river boat (900 passengers, compared to about 200), the ratio of passengers to crew members, servers, etc. remained the same (2-1), which meant there was impeccable service at all times. At one point, I finished my coffee while strolling around the ship, and I looked around for a place to dispose of the paper cup. Surprisingly, I could not find a trash receptacle. However, when I accidently dropped the cup, it never hit the ground. I sensed a flash in the corner of my eye, but never saw an actual person. I later determined that a shadowy crew member must have swept in and caught the cup in midair, spiriting it away before it could clutter the immaculate deck. Moreover, if we left our cabin for five minutes in the morning, when we returned, the room had been completely cleaned, the bed made, towels changed out, and the mini-bar restocked, as if by fast-working fairies. Speaking of the mini-bar, we had somehow been upgraded for this cruise, so we were given a spacious cabin and a few on-board perks, including free access to the mini-bar.

Kathleen and I have now taken about a dozen cruises, including six since I have retired (Rhine, Alaska, Danube, Caribbean, Main/Moselle in Germany, and this one). Therefore, I feel qualified to offer a few Dos and Don’ts on foreign travel.

Do, whenever possible, travel to Europe in the off-season. This is easier to do after retirement, so we tend to travel in winter, spring or fall, rather than the crowded and hot summer months. On this trip, we found few lines or hordes of tourists. On top of that, the weather was consistently comfortable and sunny, with temperatures ranging from the mid-forties to about 60 degrees.

Don’t act in such a way that reinforces the stereotype of the demanding and entitled American tourist. On our stop at Séte, a port town a short distance from Montpellier, France, we had a young tour guide who spoke poor English, and seemed to know little about history or culture of his home town. He was charming, however, and kept us entertained with anecdotes about local places and people. At every bar or cafe we passed, someone would see him and call out his name, giving an indication of how he spent most of his time. In the middle of our tour, at about 1:30, a sixtyish woman from our ship grabbed his arm and interrupted his description of a summer festival. “I was supposed to be on the 10:40 tour,” she announced, “but I overslept, so I’ll just join yours.” Kristin whispered, “Oh no! It’s the Ugly American!” Our guide shrugged and picked up where he left off. She broke in again after a minute or so, saying, “I’m bored; where can I buy a tee-shirt?” He pointed to one of the numerous souvenir shops along street, and she disappeared in her quest for a shirt to commemorate her spiritual connection to the charming port town. Later that day, we were in a large lounge area of the ship enjoying tea, snacks, and classical music played by a female piano player. The UA appeared again, interrupting the musician in mid-song and making a request. When the pianist began playing the song she wanted, the UA crowded into our small sitting area in order to film and record the song on her phone. Kathleen gently said, “We’re actually saving that seat for someone.” She just rolled her eyes and said, “They’ll have to find another seat, then, won’t they?” A day or two later, while visiting the national church of Monaco, she appeared again as part of our small tour group. I thought, “With 900 people on this ship, how the hell do we always end up with her?” As we were looking at the graves of Prince Ranier and Grace Kelly in the quiet church, she loudly asked the guide if we could end the tour early and go shopping for tee-shirts. By that point, I was looking around and wondering if there was a third hole available for dead bodies in that church.

Do, when visiting Barcelona, make sure to include a visit to the spectacular Sacrada Familia. We spent two days in Barcelona before beginning the actual cruise, and while I loved the city, the Gaudi church was the highlight. I had previously read about the idiosyncratic architect, Antoni Gaudi, in the past, and I knew a little about his masterpiece church, the unfinished Sacrada Familia, but never really appreciated his work before this trip. After numerous excursions to Europe, moreover, I had pretty much reached “Gothic Cathedral Overload,” an affliction that makes the many medieval structures across Europe begin to run together in the mind, and I wasn’t sure that I wanted to spend several hours touring this one. Most of those other incredible edifices were built in the 1100-1300 time-period, using similar technology, and having essentially analogous designs. While impressive for their day, they tend to be dark and ponderous places today. Gaudi’s church emulates those ancient cathedrals to a degree, but incorporates modern ideas and engineering techniques. Construction began in 1882, with his involvement running from about 1883 until his death in 1926. Thus, he had access to new technology, such as steel and concrete, to take the idea of the Gothic Cathedral to new levels. The result is a much brighter and cleaner version of the “Cathedral,” infused with light, nature, and color in an incredible combination designed to awe the visitor with the presence of God. Gaudi loved nature, and, as a devout Catholic, he saw the hand of the divine in the living world around him. Thus, instead of heavy, static columns and flying buttresses to support the roof and walls, a series of columns designed to look like growing trees give the impression of an organic structure that is a product of the Earth, rather than something standing apart from the natural world. Indeed, the church is literally organic and still growing, as it remains unfinished a century after Gaudi’s death. Barcelona has a lot to offer tourists, but this building should top any visitor’s list.

Don’t be afraid to develop your own, distinctive travelling style. We had travelled with Ben and Amber before, and with Kristin several times in recent years, but this was only the third time we had all travelled together. Kathleen and I have developed our preferred manner of travel over many years. In essence, it involves getting off of the ship or leaving the hotel, walking a short distance, and stopping in a street café for coffee or a glass of wine. Then we might visit one of the local museums or other attractions for a while, and stop at another café. Rinse and repeat. It’s clearly not a style designed for everyone, but it works for us, and Kristin has fallen into our leisurely rhythm when visiting a new place. Ben and Amber, however, are busy doctors and parents who like to make the most of every moment they have on vacation. That means they are constantly in motion, rushing from one place to another with little down time. They crossed paths with us occasionally as we sat in a restaurant enjoying a pastry with some local wine, but they rejected invitations to join us because they had read about some landmark, such as a toilet designed by Gaudi, and rushed off to see it. The thing that makes these opposing manners of travelling work, is that there is no judgement expressed about how to properly visit a new place: they do their thing and we do ours.

The only time our contrasting styles collided was in the middle of our trip. That day, our ship was docked at Villefranche-sur-Mer on the French Riviera, a strip of densely populated land stretching from Cannes in the west to Italy in the east. Kathleen and I decided to take a bus to the walking tour of Monaco, Ben and Amber wanted to visit Nice (pronounced Neese), several miles to the west of our docking position, and Kristin opted for a relaxing day in the spa on the ship, sitting in the warm, massaging waters of the pool while sipping a gin and tonic, and dipping into a snow-filled room on occasion to enjoy the Scandinavian tradition of alternating hot-and-cold temperatures. At dinner, we asked Kristin how her relaxing day had gone. She told us that the energetic and athletic Ben and Amber invited her to join them on their exploration of Nice just as she was getting ready to go to the spa. She went along, not knowing that Ben had decided they would eschew public transportation and simply walk over the small mountain that separated Villefranche from Nice. It looked like a good idea on the map, but it turned out that it involved a steep climb, no direct path to the other side, and a lot of switchbacks, making it a longer, more strenuous, and more taxing hike than Kristin had anticipated. She ended the day, sore, tired, and cursing her brother.

Do start planning your next journey as soon as you get home. We didn’t plan to do that as quickly as we did, but a few hours after we got home, still jet-lagged and bleary eyed from a twenty-hour trip home, we found 13-year-old granddaughter Abigail knocking on our door. She rode her bike to our house, but we weren’t sure what she wanted to talk about. She unpacked several boxes of snacks and a water bottle, a clear indication that the ensuing discussion would not be a brief one. We had promised her and her brother Lucas a trip to Disney World in June, but told her we would talk about it when we returned from Europe–I just didn’t think it would be the very minute we returned. She had apparently spent the entire time we were gone researching the hotels, parks and restaurants in the massive Disney complex in Orlando. She had purchased a fancy new notebook for this research project, and it was organized by subject and color-coded in her perfect hand-writing. She had lists of prices and which hotels offered enough beds so that she would not have to share sleeping space with her little brother, along with a description of how the Disney app worked. Finally, she had a comprehensive list of rides and attractions in each of the four parks, prioritized into categories of “Must,” “Maybe,” and “If we have time.” This girl clearly has inherited her parent’s zeal for travel and does not intend to waste a second of our time in Orlando.

Now, if only her grandparents have the energy to keep up with her.